22.

As much as I love seeing all this romantic Disney screencaps and pictures of people in love, I also hate it. It gives me an expectation that all guys will be sweet, romantic, generous, and caring. He's sweep me off my feet, take care of me, say sweet things to me, be a gentleman, treat me like a princess, etc. But really, no guy is even close to that. Not even close. I get all these expectations and Andrew doesn't even come near it. I appreciate the effort he takes in trying but sometimes, it feels like he doesn't even try at all. I'd always have this whole romantic scenario in my head, and he doesn't even come close. I hate having to try to remind him of what to do. I hate wanting to hang out with him, only to sit there and watch him play games, or having him sleep, or having to entertain myself. I hate how he doesn't take risks and how he's so comfortable in his bubble. I hate how he's so soft and is easily pushed around by his sisters. I hate how he makes excuses about every little thing. I hate how he isn't assertive and is indecisive. I hate how he doesn't voice his opinion. I hate how I can't stay mad at him and how I feel about him. I don't think he understands how much effort I put into this and I don't think he even appreciates what I do. I hate being the one to take charge of everything and having to do everything myself because he "forgets." It's been two years an nothing has really changed. I'm just getting so tired of this and I feel like I don't mean anything to him. He doesn't make an effort to make me feel beautiful. He doesn't surprise me or whisk me away and takes me on an adventure. We don't go out to fun places anymore or do fun things. All he wants to do is sit on a desk and play his games all day. I put so much time in this but I don't want to feel this way anymore. What happens he's the one I'm marrying and I'm stuck like this? What happens if he never changes and this is the routine I'll be stuck in? I just don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't looks for a job. He doesn't work out. He doesn't do anything except play games. What am I gonna do?

So it has definitely been a while since I last blogged and I feel like Tumblr isn't the right place to blog. So I'm gonna resort back to this to pour my heart out. A lot has happened in the two years I haven't blogged. Andrew and I just celebrated our two year anniversary. I've had some falling-out with some friends. However, I gained valuable insight on who they really are. And to be honest, I really don't need friends who are gonna judge me when I make a mistake. I'm a year away from getting my bachelor's, but I still don't know exactly what I want to do. So this year is definitely gonna be interesting in terms of growing up and finding myself. But what I came back to here for is just to vent and it will definitely be a bunch of random ones.

• After the falling out, I realized that no one out there will ever be able to be as a good of a friend to me as I am to them. My dad even called me out saying if i were to pick between family and friends, I'd pick friends. I put way too much effort into people that do not regard me the same way and I could definitely put that effort into my studies or my future. I also absolutely hate it when people say they do not pick friends, and yet they establish their own cliques. Is it really so hard to hang out with everyone, rather than a select few? I don't care that you hang out with a select few, but lying about it pisses me off. Is it so hard to tell the truth?
• If I have never judged you, I expect you to do the same for me. For you, out of all people, I would expect you not to judge me on my mistake. But I guess I pegged you wrong, because you did. And you know what? I don't need that type of people in my life. I have always been such a good friend and only if you have wronged me, would I do the same for you. Next, don't be a douche when you have something better. That just makes you look bad, really. I don't need your attitude and stupid smileys when I ask you a question. Get straight to the point with your response. Last, you are so unoriginal. You are a the definition of a bandwagonner. Whatever Andrew and I do, you do it as well and claim credit for it. Would you really have known all these places if it weren't for us? I'm all up for you having a new girlfriend, but you ditching friends for her is messed up. At least make time for us, but no, you make excuses. Don't lie, we know.
• I finally resolved the issue with Andrew's sister and it was not pretty. But I'm definitely glad I got it over with. However, the same thing still goes on even when I say hi. She still gives me that stare and that uncomfortable feeling. I'm seriously trying the best I can to fit but I feel like I will never feel comfortable with Andrew's family members. I don't think I've ever felt so unwelcome anywhere my entire life. But I'll try to make the best of it because I love Andrew and not his family.

I'm pretty sure I have way more to vent but those points have been on my mind for awhile and I really needed to let it out.